I'm starting a study on Esther, here are some thoughts and observations from day 1:

Background:

• No mention of God, prayer or worship in the book
• Esther and Mordecai were not necessarily godly Jews (aka Esther joining the kings harem...)
• There is great courage, nobility and high moral character in this book
• "If the name of God is not here, His finger is. He is in the shadows keeping watch over His own."
  

Esther 1:1-9
180 day banquet for his officials, servants, the army of Persia and Media, and nobles and governors of Providences
Purpose: show off his riches and his royal glory...

2nd 7 day banquet for all the people in Susa, the citadel, the great and small

Queen Vashti is throwing a feast for the women in the palace at the same time

First Impressions of Ahasuerus:
-pompous
-proud
-selfish
-people pleaser
-wealthy
-conceited

God's view on riches:
Prov. 30:7-9 --It is better to be content than have great riches! "give me neither poverty nor riches, feed me with food that is need full for me." *lest I be full and deny you or poor and steal
Prov. 31:20 --The Wise Woman "Opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy."
Phil. 4:11-13 --Learn in whatever situation you are in to be CONTENT!

Do NOT be fooled by fortune and affluence!

If you have plenty = Give liberally, give generously, bountifully and cheerfully
If you have little = Seek Contentment

Thanksgiving was over a week ago but I've still been thinking about things I'm thankful for so I'm starting a list (NOT necessarily in a particular order :)

1. My relationship with God
2. Bethel
3. My Roommates
4. The Small Group I attend (especially the awesome girls that are such an encouragement)
5. God's Faithfulness
6. Jamie (my clinical supervisor this past semester and mentor)
7. Snow :) (at least now--can't say that it'd still be on the list if this was February/March)
8. Running as an outlet for stress, emotions, etc.
9. Awesome friends from the past (Sam, Jessie, Amanda, Kristy, Brittany, the list could go on and on!)
10. Awesome friends now (Hannah, Sarah, Small group girls, Leah, Abby, my Mom)
11. For my Family

God you are:
The giver of peace. The love of my life. The answer to my every question. The reason behind my actions.
The Beginning and the End.
My joy, strength, and source of purpose.

You are beyond my comprehension.
More amazing that I could ever imagine.
Powerful beyond belief.
Loving.
Full of grace, mercy and justice.
Your actions are perfect, without error.
You care for me beyond what any human could ever fathom.

You are the reason I wake up every morning
You motivate me to work hard in life
Your joy fills me up and overflows into my every day life.

So after all of that I just want to say that I'm missing a ministry outlet in my life right now. I feel so isolated 95% of the time... and for some reason my mind keeps dwelling on past ministries that I have been involved in. This makes my heart ache. Sometimes I wish I could drop everything and go into full time ministry, but on the other hand I LOVE school, my major and the ministry that I can have through athletic training which requires 1 1/2 more weeks and then one final semester before GRADUATION!

Spiritual Warfare.

That is pretty much the only way I can describe what my family has been going through lately.
It started with my Dad getting fired from his job after Easter for being honest and not being willing to compromise his standards to please his bosses.
In August my youngest brother (Jonathan) was mowing a neighbors lawn reached down to push a flower away from a lawn mower, slipped, and cut off a portion of his middle finger and a bit of his ring finger. He ended up having to have a couple surgeries but is now his hand is doing awesome and looks pretty normal!
This last week my Mom's knee locked up (she has had lots of knee problems and surgeries...) to the extent that the doctor said if she wasn't able to get more range of motion back by the end of the week she would have to have a knee replacement the week after Thanksgiving. Thankfully she has been able to move it a little more but will probably have to have it replaced in January at the latest...
Ah then it comes to my experience today. I was driving home from church, listening to Christmas music and talking with Rebekah and I went through a green light and as I was about to go into the intersection a car ran a red light, basically I slammed on my breaks as fast as I could and managed to just catch the side of their car, no air bags went off and nobody was injured. The problem is that with no witnesses and no cameras the accident is my word vs. her word. The police officer ended up believing my story after seeing her try and drive the car out of the way of traffic (he said she was not a very competent driver...) that made me feel a little better but still there was no concrete reason why he should believe me so in other words fault could not be determined and our insurance companies will have to fight it out... pretty much I was an emotional wreck today due to the fact that I slammed into another vehicle today was told that I was a liar and my new car as of this summer now has a kinda messed up front (although in pictures it doesn't look so bad...) For a good portion of today I've been a little bitter and mad at the lady for running the red light... As I was talking to my mom this afternoon I realized that I need to put this in perspective first a car is simply a car and not the end of the world, secondly no one was hurt which is a miracle and a blessing from God, and thirdly Satan must really want to try and stop our family from doing God's work and make us bitter cause he keeps bringing hard things into our lives. We must be doing something right!
Some of the less huge things that I have been personally struggling with lately include loneliness, restlessness, wanting to be done with undergrad, being worried about getting into graduate school/what am I going to do after graduation in May, being tired of being single and feeling inadequate and that I'm never going to meet the guy God has for me especially as a senior when so many of my friends are getting engaged or will be before you know it. I hate the uncertainty and on one hand some days wish that I had someone to share this important decision making process with but on the other hand I enjoy the freedom to be able to relocate wherever God calls/opens the doors whether that be in Texas, Wisconsin, Indiana or Colorado.

In light of all of this I find it very ironic that I'm memorizing James 1 the last couple of weeks. The section I've been focusing on this week include verses 12-15 but verse 12 really speaks to this past week especially, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." So I'm starting to work through some of these recent situations and feelings that I've been having in light of Gods promise in verse 12. Starting with tonight every time I felt myself becoming angry or bitter I start praying and asking God to forgive me, telling Him that I forgive her praying for His will to be done, and that He would be glorified in my life.

In closing I think that I need to start studying/reading more about spiritual warfare... God is so much more powerful and I need to rely on His strength to get through every day. My prayer is that instead of being driven away from God by Satan's trials that I would rely on God all the more!

So once upon a time I thought I would be less busy when soccer season was over. WRONG! I transitioned right into Northwestern football. I've learned so much about myself over the last couple of weeks. One thing is that I love to feel needed I hate being in a situation where I feel like I'm just taking up space. I've felt needed both at Humboldt where I've been tutoring and at Northwestern (although not all the time...) both experiences have been so good but as I get to the point were I no longer am required to be at these things I struggle because part of me wants to keep going to them but the other part says I really, really need a break if I'm not going to burn out before the end of the semester. I think the hardest part is because I feel like I'm abandoning people, I know they will get along just fine without me but part of me wants to say yes to everything even though it would make me insanely busy... I can't wait until I have a job where it's my job to follow up and I don't have to switch sports or go to a completely different school (as has been the case recently). I think that the root of this has something to do with the rejection and sense of abandonment I have felt over the years or simply the fact that when I move onto a new stage in life the people I was close to previously tend fall off the face of the earth... (no offense to any of you if you ever read this, but that is life to some extent...) So as I move on from Northwestern to a week off (plus Thanksgiving Break!) and then to Concordia University I'm not sure what I feel, a sense of sadness coupled with excitement about the new things that I will be experiencing.

Today was such a strange day! Got up this morning prepared to go to Northwestern's last football game (had the layers of clothes set out and everything!) and I peak out my window and there is SNOW EVERYWHERE! At this point I'm super excited cause it's gorgeous and just plain exciting (Basically I know I'm not going to fall back asleep anytime soon!) Well this is great and all except for the fact that it meant that Martin Luther College wasn't going to travel to the cities for the game I was supposed to help cover (which is now moved to tomorrow--Sunday...) Which pretty much messed up my carefully laid Sunday plans (which included church, 2 group project meetings and the soccer banquet!)

I ended up taking a walk around Bethel on the "Nature path" and took a bunch of pictures with my camera which was super fun cause I didn't have to worry about it getting wet cause it's waterproof!!! Oh and I even went to some of Bethel's football game.

Ah Wintertainment. That time of year when masses of teens flood Camp Forest Springs after Christmas to play in the snow, have fun, learn about God and be challenged. The excuse I used last year to spend a week hanging out at Camp with friends and getting to do ministry in a 24 hour capacity for a week as a counselor. It was also the place that set into motion a cascade of events starting with the fateful animal ball game between the campers and the staff (which the staff one for the first time in several years!) that ended with the dislocation of my shoulder and ultimately dropping out of my interim class so I could go home and have shoulder surgery so I would be ready to trip lead in the summer.

So I wasn't planning on working Wintertainment again. Partially because I thought they'd have plenty of counselors and didn't want to work any of the other jobs (I'm not much of a snowboarder/skier...) So I didn't turn in the sheet of paper saying I wanted to work at the end of the summer and left that up to God. I was just telling someone the other day, "Ya know if Larry e-mails me and says something to the effect of 'Oh can you counsel for wintertainment' I'd view that as a sign...."

What happened today?!?!? I got a facebook message from Larry saying "We need more counselors for Wintertainment. Would you be interested?" Now before leaping into a "YES!" I need to take some time to think this through and pray. God what would you have me do? Reasons I wanted to stay home (and visit my friends working there for a day or two): This is really the last big break I could potentially have before I move who knows where (potentially the other side of the US) and one of the last times I get lots of time to spend with my family.... Which in my opinion isn't merely a selfish desire but a godly one. So that is my dilemma. Maybe God has something special planned for me at Camp Forest Springs over Christmas break....

James 1

In small group us girls have decided to start memorizing Scripture passages and share them with each other on Wednesday nights and I decided that the book of James is a powerful book that I want to start committing to memory. This week I'm working on James 1:2-8.

Yesterday, I got caught up on the word "steadfastness" in verse 3-4. "for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." So I looked it up in my concordance and here are the cross references that I found to help shed some light on the topic of steadfastness:

1. It is something a man of God should pursue (I Timothy 6:11)
2. God shows "steadfast" love to those who pursue Him (Dueteronomy 5:10)
3. God's love is steadfast (Ps. 27:3, 51:1, 86:13, 100:5 and Lamentations 3:22)
4. "...Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (I Corinthians 15:58)
5. It is purduced by testing of your faith (James 1:3)

Success!!!!!

So coming off a summer of NO TV and maybe a movie on the weekends when I came back to school I went through sensory overload. After 2 days of actually watching TV on my computer I was struck with the realization that I didn't like it. I don't like feeling like I need to keep up with a show or I'm missing out on something. SO I decided not to watch TV for the entirety of soccer season and that movies would be an occasional occurrence but not a constant presence in my life (TV shows on DVD were one of my exceptions but even then they were treated like movies).

Looking back I have succeeded the only TV I've actually watched was a couple minutes of Sports Center and I can't believe the freedom I feel. Don't get me wrong there are several TV shows that people talk about occasionally and I think "hmm I wish I could watch that". But I am so thankful for God's faithfulness and although I can't exactly say how I was rewarded/blessed over the last couple of months with the extra time I am so thankful for the freedom that I feel and the significantly less garbage that I didn't put into my mind. (to the point that when soccer finished yesterday I wasn't even sure if I wanted to watch those shows again)

So to sum up this post, it is definitely something that if you struggle with that I would challenge you to do. I've decided that I will extend my TV show fast until the end of the semester and pray that God will work in my life and continue to change me into the person He wants me to be.

So the other day I took an adventure to the Como Zoo/Conservatory because it was beautiful, warm and I needed some time alone with my thoughts and God :)
Here's some pictures from that adventure:

So some days I wish I was better at this. It's one of those things that definitely gets pushed to the last thing on my to do list and therefore gets done oh maybe every once in a while :)
Thanks to the small group I've been going to I've started memorizing Scripture each week (the girls in the group are keeping each other accountable) it was interesting to see how last week God totally brought the verses to mind and I would find myself contemplating them. (I memorized Daniel 2:20-24)

Well this week I'm memorizing James 1:2-8 (I'm going to start working through James, I find it to be a very powerful book)

² Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, ³for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

I wonder why I write this, but who knows someday I can look back on it/maybe someone reads it and gets something out of what I'm writing... :)

Conviction

So in Chapel on Monday (just wanna say the thing I love about it is that the people who attend actually want to be there because it's not required not that requiring chapel attendance is a bad thing but it's just encouraging to see so many people come anyway!)
Ross was talking about sin and how so often we think that cause we avoid the "BIG" sins such as murder, stealing, etc. we are fine. Which is so NOT true! God doesn't rank sin, if we've broken one commandment we've broken them all!
Chapel played very nicely into what I was reading in my devotions that night, James 4:4 says "You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." I was struck with how there is NO MIDDLE GROUND! You are either on Gods side or the worlds. Which side are you going to choose?
I've really been convicted about this the last couple of days and realized I need to make more of a conscious effort to be on Gods side of this line!

God is AMAZING

Do you ever just get overwhelmed with God? I think that should happen to all of us every once in a while. To be caught in a moment where you can't believe how good God is and how amazing it is that He cares about every little detail in my life.
When I first moved back to school I felt kinda lost. I had no transition time and went from amazing friends and people around me who challenge and encourage me spiritually to being the very first student to move into my dorm cause most of my athletic training classmates live off-campus and feeling like I didn't fit in. I would describe how I feel as being out of place, I act, live, and talk differently and have different things that drive me in life specifically God is the source of my vision and passion in life while that is not evident in all of my classmates lives.
As the weeks have progressed God has blessed me in so many ways, from Heather Reissner coming to the cities and us getting to have coffee, Aaron coming to show me their new car and take a walk while we caught up, making muffins with Erin, trying to go boating and then going to a church picnic with the Hannah and the Szajners, watching movies, hanging out, going shopping, and going out to lunch with my sis, getting to see Abby and Joe when they were in town, an amazing roommate who is also passionate about God, the awesome Bethel Women Soccer team who are just a solid group of girls, and Jaime the ATC I get to work with who I have gotten to know on a lot deeper level these past 6 weeks. (hard to believe I've already been here for 6 weeks!) AND hard to believe that 2 weeks from now I will be going to Aaron and Liz's wedding!!! I'm super excited for that! :)
I truly can't imagine my life without God in it. Although I definitely don't give Him all the time and attention that He deserves, He is a part of me that I cherish.

WOW

So being away for the summer in a place where I rarely had internet access and if I did it was amazing or I would rather talk to people than sit at the computer all the time.
So this post is going to be a list of things I learned this summer whether that's stuff about trip leading or stuff God taught me (and He taught me a lot so this could be kinda long... :)

1. God knows what we need so much better than what we think! My trip partner and I both came into the summer having not really gotten along the previous summer. And came out of the summer really good friends.
2. I came to the realization that although somedays I might want a guy in my life I am perfectly content where I am at and that I desire deep friendship rather than a boyfriends in particular.
3. God blessed me this summer with Maia Reissner and the rest of the Reissner family. That little girl has me wrapped around her finger... I'd pretty much do anything for her :) Just to illustrate her deep love for me, she would go around the table looking at Eric, Aaron, and whoever else was over giving them her attitude face and then look at me with the biggest grin and sweetest eyes and say "I love my Houser!" seriously though that girl would light up AND make me light up every time I saw her running across the patio to give me a hug when I'd get home from trips!
4. I met two amazing guys this summer who were such a great example of Godly men. Both of them are now engaged (one getting married in less than a month!) and I'm so thankful for the awesome examples of godly relationships they lived out for me. Words really can't describe how much I appreciate both of them.
5. One thing that I came into the summer wanting to focus on was my prayer life. It is one of the areas in my Christian life that I struggle with the most. It was so cool throughout the summer to feel God laying things on my heart and to see visual answers to those prayers whether it was the amazing attitudes of our first trip when it poured the entire week or one of the last weeks when one of the girls prayed for the mosquito's to go away and God sent dragonfly's to eat them!
6. to be continued

So this morning I got up early and decided to go on a run because it was so beautiful outside. It was like the quiet before the storm, warm but not to warm with an amazing breeze! So I ran to the beach (well a Minnesota beach...) and just sat by the water watching the wind blow across the water and all of a sudden I got really excited! I am going to be a wilderness trip leader at Camp Forest Springs this summer (training starts in 47 days!!!) and I can't wait to be outside in God's creation pretty much all the time! Although I'm still nervous that my shoulder won't be completely ready to do what I need it to do by the time I get to camp.... I can swim well enough that I'm not going to drown and paddling a canoe shouldn't be a problem! Oh and another reason why I got excited today is because I got the list of stuff that I should bring this summer! Which is exciting but also makes me think that I'm going to need some more stuff that I don't really have money to buy at the moment... oh well God will provide and it'll all work out.
Today was kinda a big day not only that BUT I decided today that I really do want to go to graduate school possibly after I graduate next year! I want to get my Masters in Athletic Training and so far I found some very interesting options. One in particular in Colorado which looks pretty much amazing! But I need to find a variety and then see if I can get a GA position which would not only help pay for my education but also give me some money to live off of :)

Psalm 139 is just amazing! Every time I'm struck with the enormity of God! I mean read vs. 1-4
"O Lord, you have searched me and know me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, you know it altogether."

God is amazing! We can't get away from Him. and you know what is even better? He cares so much about us, I mean He doesn't just know me, He has searched me out!

So last summer I wrote something to express my thoughts on being single. I kinda describe it as a tension that I feel between wanting to have a boyfriend and being content in my singleness.

Some days I feel like I'm left out.
Some days I feel like I'm left out of the hurt.
Some days I feel like I'm not missing anything
A boy will not satisfy me
A boy will not complete me
A boy may fulfill some of my worldly desires
But ultimately I want to fall on God and not man!
Therefore I know that in God I find my strength
In God I find my support system
In God I put my trust
In God I find the love that I need
(July 16th, 2009)

Being content where I am is a challenge that I face on a daily basis and every once in a while I need to be reminded that God has a plan for me and although I don't understand it now I must wait for His perfect timing!

So this morning in church they were having a send off for a couple who was going to be missionaries in Africa to Muslims. My heart has such a burden for missions and when I hear about other people going to serve God in other countries I feel God's call. Ever since I was young I have wanted to go on missions trips and to serve God. Some of the most meaningful, inspiring and energizing times in my life have been when I have been involved in ministry whether it is overseas on a missions trip or working at a camp at home.
The beginning of Psalm 127 says,
"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early and go to bed late,
eating the bread of anxious toil for he gives to his beloved sleep..."
Without God in my life everything I do is worthless. Whether it's something as little as going to school and classes or volunteering at a youth group God needs to be the focus and center of my every action. Some days I forget that, I try to do things on my own instead of trusting God.
Thankfully God isn't done with me yet! (Psalm 138 "the Lord will fulfill his purpose for me...")

Lets see...

So I've kinda wanted to do something like this for a while. I don't know if anybody is going to read it, but I want to get my thoughts out there and share some of the things going on in my head.
To start off my Dad lost his job this week which kinda shook my life and the stability I thought I had and reminded me of just how unstable life is. The night I found out I was sitting reading my Bible and really just needed some encouragement so I decided to read Psalm 121 which says

"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made Heaven and Earth
He will not let your foot be moved He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper the Lord is your shade on your right hand
the sun shall not strike you by day nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil He will keep your life
The lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

Some days, I think we just need to be reminded that God is out there and He has our best interest in mind. We think that it is so easy to trust God and then tough times come and we are faced with a situation we actually have to hand over to God and our trust falters. That is when it trust is most important! When we aren't sure what tomorrow will hold is the time that we must fall on God for strength!
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On a funny note: I spent 7 hours at a baseball game today for athletic training clinical rotations (it was beautiful outside!) but at one point I was grabbing a metal pipe to put in a door that kept locking us out of the building and when i stood up I rammed my head into a hook on the wall. I have a lovely inch and a half red scratch to show for it :) and a sunburn from all that time outside but it was a good day!