Spiritual Warfare.

That is pretty much the only way I can describe what my family has been going through lately.
It started with my Dad getting fired from his job after Easter for being honest and not being willing to compromise his standards to please his bosses.
In August my youngest brother (Jonathan) was mowing a neighbors lawn reached down to push a flower away from a lawn mower, slipped, and cut off a portion of his middle finger and a bit of his ring finger. He ended up having to have a couple surgeries but is now his hand is doing awesome and looks pretty normal!
This last week my Mom's knee locked up (she has had lots of knee problems and surgeries...) to the extent that the doctor said if she wasn't able to get more range of motion back by the end of the week she would have to have a knee replacement the week after Thanksgiving. Thankfully she has been able to move it a little more but will probably have to have it replaced in January at the latest...
Ah then it comes to my experience today. I was driving home from church, listening to Christmas music and talking with Rebekah and I went through a green light and as I was about to go into the intersection a car ran a red light, basically I slammed on my breaks as fast as I could and managed to just catch the side of their car, no air bags went off and nobody was injured. The problem is that with no witnesses and no cameras the accident is my word vs. her word. The police officer ended up believing my story after seeing her try and drive the car out of the way of traffic (he said she was not a very competent driver...) that made me feel a little better but still there was no concrete reason why he should believe me so in other words fault could not be determined and our insurance companies will have to fight it out... pretty much I was an emotional wreck today due to the fact that I slammed into another vehicle today was told that I was a liar and my new car as of this summer now has a kinda messed up front (although in pictures it doesn't look so bad...) For a good portion of today I've been a little bitter and mad at the lady for running the red light... As I was talking to my mom this afternoon I realized that I need to put this in perspective first a car is simply a car and not the end of the world, secondly no one was hurt which is a miracle and a blessing from God, and thirdly Satan must really want to try and stop our family from doing God's work and make us bitter cause he keeps bringing hard things into our lives. We must be doing something right!
Some of the less huge things that I have been personally struggling with lately include loneliness, restlessness, wanting to be done with undergrad, being worried about getting into graduate school/what am I going to do after graduation in May, being tired of being single and feeling inadequate and that I'm never going to meet the guy God has for me especially as a senior when so many of my friends are getting engaged or will be before you know it. I hate the uncertainty and on one hand some days wish that I had someone to share this important decision making process with but on the other hand I enjoy the freedom to be able to relocate wherever God calls/opens the doors whether that be in Texas, Wisconsin, Indiana or Colorado.

In light of all of this I find it very ironic that I'm memorizing James 1 the last couple of weeks. The section I've been focusing on this week include verses 12-15 but verse 12 really speaks to this past week especially, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." So I'm starting to work through some of these recent situations and feelings that I've been having in light of Gods promise in verse 12. Starting with tonight every time I felt myself becoming angry or bitter I start praying and asking God to forgive me, telling Him that I forgive her praying for His will to be done, and that He would be glorified in my life.

In closing I think that I need to start studying/reading more about spiritual warfare... God is so much more powerful and I need to rely on His strength to get through every day. My prayer is that instead of being driven away from God by Satan's trials that I would rely on God all the more!

So once upon a time I thought I would be less busy when soccer season was over. WRONG! I transitioned right into Northwestern football. I've learned so much about myself over the last couple of weeks. One thing is that I love to feel needed I hate being in a situation where I feel like I'm just taking up space. I've felt needed both at Humboldt where I've been tutoring and at Northwestern (although not all the time...) both experiences have been so good but as I get to the point were I no longer am required to be at these things I struggle because part of me wants to keep going to them but the other part says I really, really need a break if I'm not going to burn out before the end of the semester. I think the hardest part is because I feel like I'm abandoning people, I know they will get along just fine without me but part of me wants to say yes to everything even though it would make me insanely busy... I can't wait until I have a job where it's my job to follow up and I don't have to switch sports or go to a completely different school (as has been the case recently). I think that the root of this has something to do with the rejection and sense of abandonment I have felt over the years or simply the fact that when I move onto a new stage in life the people I was close to previously tend fall off the face of the earth... (no offense to any of you if you ever read this, but that is life to some extent...) So as I move on from Northwestern to a week off (plus Thanksgiving Break!) and then to Concordia University I'm not sure what I feel, a sense of sadness coupled with excitement about the new things that I will be experiencing.

Today was such a strange day! Got up this morning prepared to go to Northwestern's last football game (had the layers of clothes set out and everything!) and I peak out my window and there is SNOW EVERYWHERE! At this point I'm super excited cause it's gorgeous and just plain exciting (Basically I know I'm not going to fall back asleep anytime soon!) Well this is great and all except for the fact that it meant that Martin Luther College wasn't going to travel to the cities for the game I was supposed to help cover (which is now moved to tomorrow--Sunday...) Which pretty much messed up my carefully laid Sunday plans (which included church, 2 group project meetings and the soccer banquet!)

I ended up taking a walk around Bethel on the "Nature path" and took a bunch of pictures with my camera which was super fun cause I didn't have to worry about it getting wet cause it's waterproof!!! Oh and I even went to some of Bethel's football game.

Ah Wintertainment. That time of year when masses of teens flood Camp Forest Springs after Christmas to play in the snow, have fun, learn about God and be challenged. The excuse I used last year to spend a week hanging out at Camp with friends and getting to do ministry in a 24 hour capacity for a week as a counselor. It was also the place that set into motion a cascade of events starting with the fateful animal ball game between the campers and the staff (which the staff one for the first time in several years!) that ended with the dislocation of my shoulder and ultimately dropping out of my interim class so I could go home and have shoulder surgery so I would be ready to trip lead in the summer.

So I wasn't planning on working Wintertainment again. Partially because I thought they'd have plenty of counselors and didn't want to work any of the other jobs (I'm not much of a snowboarder/skier...) So I didn't turn in the sheet of paper saying I wanted to work at the end of the summer and left that up to God. I was just telling someone the other day, "Ya know if Larry e-mails me and says something to the effect of 'Oh can you counsel for wintertainment' I'd view that as a sign...."

What happened today?!?!? I got a facebook message from Larry saying "We need more counselors for Wintertainment. Would you be interested?" Now before leaping into a "YES!" I need to take some time to think this through and pray. God what would you have me do? Reasons I wanted to stay home (and visit my friends working there for a day or two): This is really the last big break I could potentially have before I move who knows where (potentially the other side of the US) and one of the last times I get lots of time to spend with my family.... Which in my opinion isn't merely a selfish desire but a godly one. So that is my dilemma. Maybe God has something special planned for me at Camp Forest Springs over Christmas break....