Wow it has been a long time since I wrote on here. Maybe I'll try to blog again...
Well I'm living in Terre Haute Indiana. Going to Indiana State University for graduate school and working at Terre Haute North High School as an athletic trainer for my graduate assistantship. God has brought me crazy places over the last several months and done things in my life that I did not expect. The biggest thing on my heart right now is the fact that my Grandma is dying. It's really difficult to be so far away from friends and family at a time like this... I fly out tomorrow to go see her and my family which I'm very excited about.
Well hopefully I'll be updating this a little more frequently, we shall see. But now I'm exhausted...

OH WOW!!! So I have been bouncing off the walls all day!!!
At 1pm this afternoon I received a phone call from Indiana State University offering me a place in their Graduate Athletic training program and a Graduate Assistantship at a local High school. This is such a huge answer to prayer! I was fully prepared for not being accepted and kinda expected to get an e-mail saying "we're sorry but we don't have room for you this year... etc."
Then today when I got the phone call I was literally about to scream cause I am SO excited!!! I cannot wait to see what God has in store. His provision is amazing and trusting in Him always pays off! Without a doubt God's plan is best and I am so thankful that He is the one directing my steps and not me!
YAY! Basically I'm just stocked!
Wow! Yeah if you were here right now you'd think I was crazy (just ask my sister) I've been full of energy all day. (She likened it to a caffeine high with no crash!)

trust

I just love how God knows just what we need when we need it. I found it rather ironic and totally God's work in my life that today as I started thinking about graduating and the fact that I am supposed to hear back from ISU this coming week and that I am super nervous cause I've gone from "oh that's a good 3rd choice school" to "I actually really want to go here!" My fear is that I'll get my hopes up, won't get accepted and will then be sad and disappointed... What does God say? I'll just share a few of the verses that I was led to today:

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

Proverbs 11:28
"Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like a green leaf."

Proverbs 28:26
"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."

Proverbs 16:20
"Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord."

Proverbs 28:25
"A greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the Lord will be enriched."

Proverbs 29:25
"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."

So basically I was convicted that my job is to trust. Now some people take this to the extreme and therefore don't do anything. I think there is a balance and in my life I can trust that God has a perfect plan for me but that doesn't mean that I won't have to work for it. Trust doesn't mean that I sit idly by and wait for God to do all the work, for the process of applying to grad school it has meant researching schools, re-writing my essays over and over and over, filling out applications, studying for the GRE, working hard in school, researching the schools again before interviews, you name it I have done it. Yet throughout this process God calls me to trust in His faithfulness. I know that no matter what happens He will provide for my needs whether that is through a stipend for a graduate assistantship or a job. I am so thankful that I have a God that is big enough for me to put my complete faith and trust in. I honestly don't know where I would be without Him in my life.

Random thougths from my Devos lately:

God you don't need me,
I NEED you.

I can't do anything to help you out,
But I sure need your help.

You want to work through me when I am at my weakest.
But I want to be strong and do it on my own.

I want to portray you and speak your message and be eloquent
But you simply want me to be your voice and surrender to your will.

God the cry of my heart is that you would lead me, use me, mold me and make me into the person you have created me to be. I fall before you completely broken and surrendered. You are my source of peace, I want to find my strength in you alone. God I give you my pride, my goals, my dreams, my plans. It's your life do with it as you will.

Some of the lessons that have stuck out to me after studying Esther:
Every person matters in God's plan
Strength and courage come in the strangest places
Trust in God and the counsel of wise people
He is present always even when we can't see Him
Every day needs to be a step of faith
Remember God's power. His provision. His Providence. And don't be afraid to life His plan for you out!

Oh and on a slightly un-spiritual note: I am officially even more of a Tim Tebow fan (for those of you non-football fans he is the Denver Broncos quarterback and is a strong Christian) fun fact: I found out that he signs everything off GB2 which stands for God Bless, Go Broncos! Love it! :)

I'm starting a study on Esther, here are some thoughts and observations from day 1:

Background:

• No mention of God, prayer or worship in the book
• Esther and Mordecai were not necessarily godly Jews (aka Esther joining the kings harem...)
• There is great courage, nobility and high moral character in this book
• "If the name of God is not here, His finger is. He is in the shadows keeping watch over His own."
  

Esther 1:1-9
180 day banquet for his officials, servants, the army of Persia and Media, and nobles and governors of Providences
Purpose: show off his riches and his royal glory...

2nd 7 day banquet for all the people in Susa, the citadel, the great and small

Queen Vashti is throwing a feast for the women in the palace at the same time

First Impressions of Ahasuerus:
-pompous
-proud
-selfish
-people pleaser
-wealthy
-conceited

God's view on riches:
Prov. 30:7-9 --It is better to be content than have great riches! "give me neither poverty nor riches, feed me with food that is need full for me." *lest I be full and deny you or poor and steal
Prov. 31:20 --The Wise Woman "Opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy."
Phil. 4:11-13 --Learn in whatever situation you are in to be CONTENT!

Do NOT be fooled by fortune and affluence!

If you have plenty = Give liberally, give generously, bountifully and cheerfully
If you have little = Seek Contentment

Thanksgiving was over a week ago but I've still been thinking about things I'm thankful for so I'm starting a list (NOT necessarily in a particular order :)

1. My relationship with God
2. Bethel
3. My Roommates
4. The Small Group I attend (especially the awesome girls that are such an encouragement)
5. God's Faithfulness
6. Jamie (my clinical supervisor this past semester and mentor)
7. Snow :) (at least now--can't say that it'd still be on the list if this was February/March)
8. Running as an outlet for stress, emotions, etc.
9. Awesome friends from the past (Sam, Jessie, Amanda, Kristy, Brittany, the list could go on and on!)
10. Awesome friends now (Hannah, Sarah, Small group girls, Leah, Abby, my Mom)
11. For my Family

God you are:
The giver of peace. The love of my life. The answer to my every question. The reason behind my actions.
The Beginning and the End.
My joy, strength, and source of purpose.

You are beyond my comprehension.
More amazing that I could ever imagine.
Powerful beyond belief.
Loving.
Full of grace, mercy and justice.
Your actions are perfect, without error.
You care for me beyond what any human could ever fathom.

You are the reason I wake up every morning
You motivate me to work hard in life
Your joy fills me up and overflows into my every day life.

So after all of that I just want to say that I'm missing a ministry outlet in my life right now. I feel so isolated 95% of the time... and for some reason my mind keeps dwelling on past ministries that I have been involved in. This makes my heart ache. Sometimes I wish I could drop everything and go into full time ministry, but on the other hand I LOVE school, my major and the ministry that I can have through athletic training which requires 1 1/2 more weeks and then one final semester before GRADUATION!

Spiritual Warfare.

That is pretty much the only way I can describe what my family has been going through lately.
It started with my Dad getting fired from his job after Easter for being honest and not being willing to compromise his standards to please his bosses.
In August my youngest brother (Jonathan) was mowing a neighbors lawn reached down to push a flower away from a lawn mower, slipped, and cut off a portion of his middle finger and a bit of his ring finger. He ended up having to have a couple surgeries but is now his hand is doing awesome and looks pretty normal!
This last week my Mom's knee locked up (she has had lots of knee problems and surgeries...) to the extent that the doctor said if she wasn't able to get more range of motion back by the end of the week she would have to have a knee replacement the week after Thanksgiving. Thankfully she has been able to move it a little more but will probably have to have it replaced in January at the latest...
Ah then it comes to my experience today. I was driving home from church, listening to Christmas music and talking with Rebekah and I went through a green light and as I was about to go into the intersection a car ran a red light, basically I slammed on my breaks as fast as I could and managed to just catch the side of their car, no air bags went off and nobody was injured. The problem is that with no witnesses and no cameras the accident is my word vs. her word. The police officer ended up believing my story after seeing her try and drive the car out of the way of traffic (he said she was not a very competent driver...) that made me feel a little better but still there was no concrete reason why he should believe me so in other words fault could not be determined and our insurance companies will have to fight it out... pretty much I was an emotional wreck today due to the fact that I slammed into another vehicle today was told that I was a liar and my new car as of this summer now has a kinda messed up front (although in pictures it doesn't look so bad...) For a good portion of today I've been a little bitter and mad at the lady for running the red light... As I was talking to my mom this afternoon I realized that I need to put this in perspective first a car is simply a car and not the end of the world, secondly no one was hurt which is a miracle and a blessing from God, and thirdly Satan must really want to try and stop our family from doing God's work and make us bitter cause he keeps bringing hard things into our lives. We must be doing something right!
Some of the less huge things that I have been personally struggling with lately include loneliness, restlessness, wanting to be done with undergrad, being worried about getting into graduate school/what am I going to do after graduation in May, being tired of being single and feeling inadequate and that I'm never going to meet the guy God has for me especially as a senior when so many of my friends are getting engaged or will be before you know it. I hate the uncertainty and on one hand some days wish that I had someone to share this important decision making process with but on the other hand I enjoy the freedom to be able to relocate wherever God calls/opens the doors whether that be in Texas, Wisconsin, Indiana or Colorado.

In light of all of this I find it very ironic that I'm memorizing James 1 the last couple of weeks. The section I've been focusing on this week include verses 12-15 but verse 12 really speaks to this past week especially, "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." So I'm starting to work through some of these recent situations and feelings that I've been having in light of Gods promise in verse 12. Starting with tonight every time I felt myself becoming angry or bitter I start praying and asking God to forgive me, telling Him that I forgive her praying for His will to be done, and that He would be glorified in my life.

In closing I think that I need to start studying/reading more about spiritual warfare... God is so much more powerful and I need to rely on His strength to get through every day. My prayer is that instead of being driven away from God by Satan's trials that I would rely on God all the more!